so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
