nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
