One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
