First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
