Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
it's great music for shaving your balls
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
