covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
These tits shall not be calmed
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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