im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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