Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
