I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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