If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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