I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
