the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I cut my penus on the lid.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
should my penis look like a turkey
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
