Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
