Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
