'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
