Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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