Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize