Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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