Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
