thus making me awesome and them whores
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
