That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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