Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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