i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
