What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
