It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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