Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if only i could text you this smell
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
