Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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