yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
