i permit you to call me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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