I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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