Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
