I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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