I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
