Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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