So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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