This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
