I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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