I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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