i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
