Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
