I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
