a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
