I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
