I'll bet she douches with gravy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
