Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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