dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
