Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
