i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
