apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
