forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
