I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
